(Side note: I wrote this in August of last year. It still holds a depth, a truth, so I wanted to share it again. A chapter from my book I re-imagined.)
Have you ever…wondered what it meant to be insane?
What if I told you it’s nothing like you’d expect? Would you take my word or color me insane? I mean really, how could you color when your insanity is being questioned?
Seems to me like you’re teetering that line of insanity all on your own. But don’t worry, nobody judges you in…insanity. It’s the sane one’s that get all judgmental.
Really makes you think doesn’t it? The, obligatory plea to flee away from insanity and yet somehow in a court of law insanity can save your life.
It’s so much fun to think about. The oxymoronic nature of humanity…followed by the inconsolable guilt after a small stolen taste of insanity.
There’s something somewhat soothing about the cooing of alluding thoughts and ideas. The most disturbing of which have the power to bring us all together, for just a few societal moments of peace; finding ourselves standing on common ground as they say.
As for me… I don’t need a name or an introduction. But if it’ll make you feel better you can just refer to me as a magician, playing with illusions that entice with the smallest hint of dirty seduction.
Are you starting to see? I am you, dabbling in insanity! I am that voice you ignore at night, the one that tells you everything you hate to think and refutes anything you think you know.
Am I cute? Am I ugly? Am I short or tall? It’s all up to you really. But if you’re really having a hard time picturing what I look like then just…imagine what you’d do in insanity.
But I can’t help but wonder…how do you know you’re not insane? They could be giving you your lobotomy right now…
Oh, can you imagine? What if it’s really happening? You’re lying on the table stiff and cold. Nothing but a thin sheet covering you up and some guy who says he knows what he’s doing drilling a hole in your head.
Wouldn’t it be great if you woke up??
Can you imagine how scared they’d be? Ha. I feel like you’d grab the drill and say something like, “Hey, doc, I don’t think you’re doing it right…mind if I give myself a go?”
The look on their faces alone, it’d be enough to make them go…crazy.
It’s impossible, right? Yeah, you’re probably right. But then again…sanity allows you to reach into the uncertain while insanity makes you reach for emptiness.
So, if you say it’s impossible is it because you are uncertain or because you can’t see it happening due to lack an imagination?
…A lobotomy tends to have that affect on people you know.
I’m crazy, I know. But I never denied that fact. Meanwhile, you’re reading this and trying to argue logic with someone that doesn’t exist…seems to me like thou must look inward before thou cast the first stone.
If you really want to know crazy then allow me:
Crazy is looking for peace in a world dying to be at war. Crazy is looking in the mirror every morning and convincing yourself you’re the person everyone else wants you to be.
Crazy is allowing gun shop owners to have a list of people with bad credit but refusing to give them a list of criminals. Crazy is taking toy guns away from kids but continuing to sell real guns via mass production. Crazy is taking on an idea or religion that shuns killing and then using that belief to justify killing.
Crazy is living in fear of everything you want. Crazy is wanting control and refusing to take responsibility. Crazy is already here. You’re already comfortable living in it. Hell, you even helped create it.
But you can always escape the crazy. And that’s why I’m here, for you.
You see insanity is full of twists and turns. Up’s and downs. But most of all it’s full of surprises. It’s not like you’re not used to that.
I know you want to fight your way out but you can’t, you’re in too deep. Be carful not to pull yourself further down out of desperation…what am I saying, desperation is so much a part of who you are that it’s the air you breathe. Desperation is the thing that keeps you warm at night. Even now some part of you is desperate to think none of this makes sense.
Do be careful when treading on the thin iced shallows of chaos. You might not be aware of this but chaos…towers above insanity. Chaos simply chooses to keep a low profile, much lower than insanity. You never really know when it’s about to hit until it’s too late. The next thing you know…you’re pinned down by chaos and insanity where the only place you can go is MAD.
What is madness but the final stop on this crazy train. Madness lets you know how far you’ve come and how much further you need to go. In high doses it is lethal. That’s why it’s given to the world in small doses on a daily bases through the arts of distraction. Bit-by-bit the madness settles and bit-by-bit, it replaces the desire for truth with the desire for power.
Why feed people a little madness and not a full helping? Simple, a little madness goes a long way. Silly. Insanity means being willing to give up what you know in order to try and make sense out of nonsense.
Well, what do you know? You survived your trip through insanity, congratulations. Please remember, t-shirts are available upon request, there are no refunds and most of all in a group of four people there’s usually one who is completely bonkers. So if the other three are fine, then it’s you.
I hope to see you soon.