This is a true story about a dream I had four months ago. This was the start of my dreams growing in depth in order to propel me to become a better man.
I got Lobo when I was fifteen. Well, my mom and step-dad chose him and told me I had to take care of him. I didn’t even get to name him. He was a Siberian Husky, a rescue. I wasn’t upset that I didn’t get to name him, kinda. I was upset because I didn’t get a say in choosing anything that had to do with “my dog”.
Still, we bonded. He liked my mom because she usually fed him and was always calm when she was around him. My little sister was kinda skittish, but he’d be excited to see her. The two of them didn’t really know what to make of one another though, haha, it was kinda fun to watch.
Lobo, didn’t like my step-dad. I think he could sense in him the same thing I could sense in him. That’s probably why we bonded, Lobo and I.
He was only a year old at the time we got him, full of energy. Eager, constantly running around, howling away when he was excited haha. Oh man! Coolest thing, well I always admired it, he could leap over an eight foot fence in just one leap! No joke, I always watched him do it. Pissed my step-dad off haha.
Naturally I’d quickly open the back gate and go running after him…punk dog, he knew what he did and as soon as he saw me he’d go running as fast as he could down the street. Couldn’t help but smile. “Dammit Lobo…haha.”
I’d take off running after him and whenever I was just about to catch up, he’d stop and change direction on a dime. No, half a dime! Dog had jukes haha. Then, there he’d go down the other direction of the street. A brown and white blur.
Haha, a few times my mom and little sister and step-dad would try and corner him as he ran back the other way. All it did was give him more of a challenge and opportunity to out juke more people. He’d run at them full speed and they’d get a look on their faces like, “Yeah, he’s gotta be tired. This’ll be easy.”
Then in five steps he’d be passed them and not long after I’d sprint by them all in their confusion thinking, “Not helping!”
Maybe a year later Lobo (wolf in Spanish) finally stopped hopping the gates. He and I had a much deeper bond, possibly due to our cop and robber days. I’d wake up early to be sure he was fed, go out and talk to him a little bit. Pet him while he ate, I was the only one who could do that, and ask him, “Do you feel free Lobo? Do you feel at peace, in the night under the moon?”
Sometimes he’d look at me, mouth full of food and eyes fixed on mine as if to respond with the same question towards me. Other times he’d simply look out past the hill outside our backyard and I could tell he was looking beyond it all. Looking but also listening to a call only he could hear. A call, from home.
The weekends were different. It’d be all about being outside together. Running around in the backyard, keeping him company while I did yard work or whatever my step-dad had in mind that “needed” to be done.
But once work was done, or after my step-dad had gone to work, everyone relaxed. We got to enjoy the weekend. For Lobo and me, that meant getting a good run in. Three to four hours was our norm. I’d get his leash on him, open the back gate and whether I was ready or not, we’d take off on our run. He’d start off ahead of me, of course as he was a sled dog, but by the end of hour two he’d be next to me the rest of the way.
Every now and then we’d make a detour to the creek near my house so he could have a much deserved swim and drink…and pee, he never peed in the water though. Which I respected him for haha.
We’d come back exhausted, refreshed and happy. I’d open up the back gate to return and he’d walk in and wait for me to fill his bowl with water. It took a few times but eventually I learned to wait to go in because he’d drink his first bowl quick.
The runner and the wolf, both labels fit each of us equally.
When I was 18 I moved out and into a room with a friend of mine from high school. I went through a lot in the next few years. Including major bouts with depression, heart break after heart break in many relationships. Losing friends, gaining new ones, then losing them too. Feeling alienated from my family: my mom, sister and two baby brothers.
I lived in my car for a period in that time. Slept wherever I could find a good place to park and still find somewhere to shower so I could go to work.
Every now and then though, when I felt I wouldn’t be seen as a major disappointment to my mom and siblings, I’d go back home to visit and try to reconnect with them. Even if the visit went terribly, I knew I could always count on Lobo to just be happy to see me. Even if he didn’t give me his complete attention now that he was at a new house with much more space for him to run and play in.
I was twenty years old and I went to their house to surprise them all with a visit, and possibly an update into my life. No one was home when I got there so I waited outside, as I didn’t have a key (step-dad didn’t think I needed one).
My mom drove up with my bothers and sister and after I greeted them I went to the back to call for Lobo. I called his name over and over and over, nothing. No bark, no sound of him running around…nothing.
After about ten minutes I went back inside, my mom was in the kitchen. She’d been watching me from the window. “Hey mom, where’s Lobo? I was calling him and…is he not back there?”
“Oh…no…we umm…we gave him away…”
“What…what do you mean? When?”
“Little less than a month ago…”
“Why…you couldn’t tell me? I was out there calling him…”
“…We gave him to someone we know. A friend of your step-dad’s…he has a lot of open land, Lobo can enjoy being free. When we took him the first time to visit, he ran and jumped straight into the little lake… He’s gonna like it there…”
“…He…was my dog…”
“Yes…but you’re not here much and weren’t taking care of him and we just figured it’d be better for him if he was somewhere like that… You want the best for him, right?”
“…I didn’t get to say good-bye… I didn’t get to say good-bye, to my dog.”
Four months ago I had a dream about my old house, I was visiting but it was how it had always been when I was growing up. To me this signaled comfort as I was very relaxed being there again.
Then I saw My ex-girlfriend Ivy and her son, playing in the yard near one of the gates leading the the backyard. I called them and was ignored and remember thinking, “Dunno what I was expecting. At least they’re having fun though.”
Then the gate to the backyard opened and out strolls Lobo. I know I smiled in my dream but I’m pretty sure I smiled in real life as well. He wasn’t the same though, wasn’t at all young. He was old, and decayed but it didn’t stop him from having fun with Ivy and her son. He was decayed and there were parts of him I could see straight through but he was happy and energetic. He had ancient stone infused into him as well as grass and moss growing on some parts of it all.
I called him as well but no response. “Awe, here for the two of them then? No worries…just, glad to see you again Lobo.”
As I turned to walk away, I looked back at the three of them one more time and Lobo was staring straight back. Standing with his head tilted to the side; then he gave a quick nod as if to say, “It’s okay, now go.”
Then he sat down next to the two of them as Ivy’s son pet him and giggled.
Naturally I woke up immediately and Googled what it all could’ve meant. Usually I’m really good at interpreting dreams but this one was way beyond my depth, at the time.
But now, this is what I understand it to mean. Firstly, getting a visit from a deceased pet in a dream usually means they are pointing you back to your loyalties-at least if it’s a dog, might be the same for other pets as well.
So Lobo was trying to point me back to my roots. I originally thought he was trying to tell me that my loyalty needed to stay with the two of them, Ivy and her son. I now understand that not to be the case.
Lobo was pointing me back to the roots of who I am. And letting me know “it’s okay” to go back to them, without him. He wanted me to know he’s, better. He wanted me to know he’s still with me and will continue to be by my side as I find time to run once again. Run not in order to escape something but to delve deeper into who I’m truly meant to be.
He redirected my focus while at the same time allowing he and I to have our good-bye.