It all started with a posting on Facebook in 2010. A note that I knew I had to write but was unaware of its true inspiration. The note was titled, “Questions” and it was the first step in writing my first book.
It was the first real step out of my cave.
At the time I had only three certainties constantly floating around in my mind: Questions, Insanity and Memories.
These in turn would become the first three chapters of my book.
All I was capable of was Questions. I questioned anything and everything, looking for answers externally that would help calm the internal turmoil I felt I was destined to live with forever.
After so long, questioning everything and everyone constantly, I began to feel insane. As if I’d unknowingly driven myself to dive into Insanity and worst of all, I was unable to get out.
That anxiousness forced me to sit and think. It forced me to remember everything that had brought me to where I was. I began to take responsibility for my actions and let go of the responsibility for the actions of others. I began to find my true self, the man who’d been hidden away within my Memories.
Unfortunately not all memories are good. However I’d already begun to confront my past so there was no going back. The Pain of later memories began to surface and I had to make a choice then and there to either face it or continue to run away and live in fear of my full potential.
I chose to confront it head on. That’s the moment that changed my life. Because once I was able to stand and face my demon and acknowledge my part in my pains, it had nothing to use against me. It began to loose its power and soon after that, dissipate.
Once I’d fully understood my pains, after fighting to ensure none of them would ever hold me back from who I knew I was meant to be ever again, I found myself falling in Love with life.
I felt the love I’d dreamt of swelling up deep inside me and for the first time in my life, I was able to express it without fear or hesitation.
I soon realized that I was becoming love. In my words, my actions and thoughts. It was further affirmation that I had been denying myself what I’d needed for so long.
Then I realized I was tired of making everything about me all the time. I wanted to do more, I wanted to help those I loved and care for. The proper way this time.
I began to live in Understanding. Being able to see the world for all it was but even better, for all it could be. I began to notice a world of possibilities instead of a world full of pits and despair. I began to tap into my empathy and witness the changes in those around me.
I was understanding the difference between true friends and momentary ones. True love for someone and pushed ideas of what love “should” be.
That brought me into what I came to understand as Truth.
There is no definitive end to anything that is done or created. The journey is constant and then so should we be. Continuously growing, moving, expanding but most of all loving.
Continue to discover yourself in the world and the world within yourself.
Find internal peace and external troubles will no longer be able to break you.
It’s all a journey, in the matter of perspective. Simply allow yourself to be emerged in The Uncertain.