I have a story idea I’ve been working on that centers around the most underestimated power we know. Love.
I had it all planned out. I knew the purpose, the ending and how I was going to get the whole point across. But something happened to me recently that made me change my entire outlook on the truth that resides in Love.
I fell in love.
I fell in love truly. Not a fantasized love, not unrequited love and not unhealthy love.
She found me. I hadn’t anticipated that. But she found me and from our first conversation, I knew she was different.
Within a month I met her awesome three year old son. And, I fell deeper in love. I cherished my time with them more and more each chance I got. And much of my own time was spent wishing I could be with them again.
I knew this love was different because I didn’t feel like I needed her. I had a plan for my life, I had always had direction but somehow I knew none of it would mean as much if she wasn’t there. If I couldn’t be there with the two of them at the end of the day.
I never needed her to make my life better. I wanted her to be there to share it with me.
I chose her. Everyday, I want her.
Love is made of many things but true love creates lasting memories. Now I’m going to share with you a few of my favorites.
The first one happened on our second date. We were coming back from our hike and we sat down to talk about life ideas one more time. And I just couldn’t help but stare at her, see her. I reached my hand out and caressed her check, running my fingers lightly across the bottom of her ear before resting her chin in my palm and bringing her in for our first kiss. Right then, in that kiss, I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. I knew her kiss was my eternity.
The second was the first time I met her son. I came out after our first night sleeping in the same bed together…wait no, I was laying in bed after she’d gotten up with him earlier and I could hear him talking, asking, “Where is he?”
“He’s still sleeping…shhh.”
“What’s his name?”
Shortly after that I came out with a smile on my face and he, I can’t help but smile even now, got shy…until he saw that his pjs matched my compression shirt. Spiderman. I didn’t even plan it, that’s what made it so awesome. He smiled. And that’s when I fell in love with him. That was the moment I knew I was meant to be with them the rest of my life.
Now this next one I’ve kept to myself but it’s just one of those things that…makes you laugh. I was laying down next to her in bed trying to get comfortable when I realized I was far away from her. So I scooted in and squeezed her close…I think I squeezed too hard because she let out a fart. I was surprised because it was pretty loud and I expected her to wake up but nope, she just slept on through. I couldn’t help but chuckle and I, gently, brought her in closer and kissed her on the cheek. A smile came over her face, that’s how I knew it’s true love that I have for her.
More than anything, it was our time together that made me love her more. Just after putting her son to bed we’d have time for just us. We’d sit on the couch or lay in bed and just talk, and tell each other stories and make each other laugh. (I loved making her laugh). Just being able to be close and hear all she had to say, that always outweighed sex. Sex was amazing, always but my favorite times were always just being able to talk with each other about anything and everything.
In that time, in our time, our love evolved. No matter what the day held, our love always came out stronger.
We didn’t love each other because we were physical, the physical was only possible because we loved each other. But even our making love was never enough, there was always more love to be shared between us. So we talked even more afterwards because our love was ever growing, never too much, never enough.
Love is many things. But it isn’t blind. Nor is it anything negative.
Love Is surprising. Love Is trying. Love Is honest. Love Is, real.
Here’s the thing, I know without a doubt that I love them both to death. I love her, more than I’ve ever thought possible (and I think about the possibilities of love a lot). But, and you may know this, she asked me to let her go.
I know she has some things she needs to work out in her life that I can’t be a part of, and I respect that. She’s going to go through things I wish deeply I could be there to help her through but I can’t.
All I’ve ever wanted is what’s best for she and her son. Even if that means while she’s on this leg of her journey that she has to hate me. If it helps her, then I welcome it. Be angry, be upset with me, whatever needs to happen. If it helps, that’s all I care about.
I don’t care what it takes, I just, I just want her to…be happy again.
That’s all I ever wanted.
Because I’ve known in the deepest part of my soul that no matter how bad things get, our love would always lead us back to one another.
Not out of need but because it’s true.
I will always love you as much now as I have from the beginning, just as I promised.